One of the hardest things to acknowledge is the realization you have when you look at your life in dissatisfaction and realize how it was YOUR choices that got you there. What is interesting though is that it doesn't really have to do with the big decisions, it's the little ones. It's not the choice to get married or divorced. To have kids or not. What you realize is that in the tiny little choices you made every single day, thinking they were the right choices led to the big choice you often find yourself faced with.
Let me give you an example. I went to college wanting to study science. I finished my degree with a BS in Biology and a minor in Psychology. Fast forward 4 years and I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. Every decision I made I thought I was making from a place of intelligence and awareness. It seemed like it was what I wanted to do but in truth, I didn't really spend any time considering what I was really hoping to get to. And this was partially inexperience and being young but it was also being motivated with something to prove and I never really asked for perspective from anyone. So then I made another decision and another little shift and another...all without really thinking and considering what really made sense. And now I find myself wishing I would have heard that voice inside me when I was younger saying follow the things that really lit me up but I didn't. I know several people this has happened to in their lives. It happens with our health and how we eat and take care of our bodies. It happens in our relationships with our children, our partners, our friends, and our family. And the irony is that it is happening through the little decisions you aren't even seeing. What happens is eventually life drops a nuclear bomb on you and you look around wondering what the hell happened. And at that place, you have a choice. You can blame the world and your circumstances. You can regret your decisions and decide well, I'm never doing that again and become bitter. Or you own the choices you made that got you to where you are and go about the work understanding why you made them and how to do it differently. Only the last choice leads to anything fulfilling.
You see when you don't act intentionally with what you want and understand the reason for it, you make automatic reactions to your life instead of deliberate decisions to move you closer to what you want to experience. And this is a process, and it doesn't really end. You might get better at it with age but there is always something new to learn and grow into. Because as Tony Robbins says if you aren't growing, you're dying.
So what about you? How is this happening for you in your life? I guarantee it is. Somewhere, in some way, you are blind to how the behaviors you are reacting with are controlling the fulfillment in your life. I have learned what my next challenge is and where I need to shift to get to a more fulfilling life. And the work isn't easy - it's the hardest work you will ever do. But it is also the most satisfying and rewarding. Doing it requires me to look and seek inside of myself. It demands that I trust close friends and relationships in my life to call me out when I'm not making those shifts. I mean I need to spend time every day looking at how I showed up and if that's good enough for me. It takes more than just me.
If you need some help getting this started for you or if you don't feel like you have people around you that can help support you with this I encourage you to find help. This is what working with a coach is all about and my Pathways are designed to encourage this work in the way you need to shift and grow. You can also follow my free content on FB and IG at @ConsiderJennifer and YouTube on my channel, Consider This.
You've only got one shot guys. Don't waste time not asking questions and learning more about yourself.